Netfundu - martial arts humour

Here's a lighter look at martial arts.

Murphy's Laws of Martial Arts

The scientific principles that apply to the study of all martial arts:

The wimp who made it through the eliminations on luck alone will suddenly turn into Bruce Lee when you're up against him.
The referee will always be looking the other way when you score.
You will have trouble with the ties on your gi pants when members of the opposite sex are in class.
The day you leave work early to make it to the class on time, the sensei (teacher) will be sick.
The sensei will only use you during demonstrations for joint-locking techniques.
If you have to use your training in self-defence, your attacker's father will be a lawyer.
After a flawless demonstration, you will trip on your way back to your seat.
After years of training without a single injury, you will pull a groin muscle the night before your black belt exam.
No matter how many times you take care of it before your promotion exam, you will invariably have to go to the loo when it's your turn.

You Know You've Been In the Martial Arts Too Long When...

You say to the salesman in the men's store, "Nice pants, but I don't think I can kick in them."

When you want to say, "I'm sorry" you involuntarily bow.

You go to the shoe store to try on shoes but instead of walking or jogging around the store, you practice pivoting, sweeps, stances and kicks.

When you hit your head on a low doorway or ceiling and kick it in anger and damage it!

When you're practicing your arm blocks while driving down the highway, notice someone in another car staring at you, and suddenly turn your block into vigorously fanning away an imaginary fly.

When you use various strikes to turn lights off and on.

Find yourself idly doing Iaido and Kenjitsu moves with the plastic knives at a fast food joint.

Can't walk by anybody else from your school without casually exchanging a flurry of mock strikes and kicks.

Leap to your feet and shriek with indignation while watching 'Kung Fu', 'Walker', 'Texas Ranger', and 'Highlander' at home.

Tend to keep at least one flavour of martial arts weapon close at hand by your bed when you sleep

Whenever you see some wood or concrete, even things like stools or tables, and get excited while you picture just how you would go about breaking it. Then you get funny looks as you feel it and give it a look of hard concentration, then maybe measure off a few times.

Top Ten Reasons for Studying the Martial Arts:

10) Broken masonry makes great drainage for potted plants.
9) Get beaten up by people half your size and twice your age.
8) Never run out of kindling wood again.
7) No need to wonder what belt to wear.
6) Get to be on first name basis with the Emergency Room staff.
5) These uniforms make nice pyjamas.
4) Never need to wonder why it's hard to get up in the morning.
3) Get to appreciate the finer points of Chuck Norris' acting.
2) Learn to count to 10 in 3 different Asian languages.

And the top reason for studying martial arts:
Three words: free nose job.

(Source: the Internet)