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A merchant sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of
goods totaling a great deal of money.
The distributor, noting that
the previous bill hadn't been paid, told the collections manager
to check it. The collections manager
left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't ship your new
order until you pay for the last one."
The next day the collections
manager received a collect phone call, "Please
cancel the order. We can't wait that long." |
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Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in. While
several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others
line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall,
and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is
going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number
two's hand. Without looking down, accountant number two whispers, "What
is this?" to which accountant number one replies, "it's
that $50 I owe you.”
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Man: " God, what are a thousand years for you?"
God: " Just a second."
Man: "And what are a million rupees for you?"
God: "Just a paisa."
Man: "Then give me a paisa."
God: " Wait for a second."
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George: "I am thinking of going to America.
How much will it cost?"
Allan: "Not even a penny."
George: "How come?"
Allan: "Because for thinking we don't need money." |
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A boy writes home hinting that he needs money
Dear Father,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying
very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply ¢an't think of anything
I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I
would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on.
After receiving his son's letter, the father immediately replies
by sending a letter back.
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to
keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit
of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad
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| A famous art collector is walking through
the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in
the doorway of a store and he does a double take.
He knows that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so
he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two
dollars.
The store owner replies "I'm sorry, but the cat is not for
sale."
The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the
house to catch mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat."
And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.
The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder
if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and
it'll save me from having to get a dish."
And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer.
So far this week I have sold sixty-eight cats
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| A young man asked an old rich man how he
made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said,
"Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I
was down to my last nickel. "I invested that nickel in an apple.
I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the
day, I sold the apple for ten cents. "The next morning, I invested
those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them
and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for
a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37. "Then
my wife's father died and left us two million dollars |
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| A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils
a lesson in logic. "Here is the situation," she said. "A
man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He
loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for
help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs
down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
A girl raised her hand and asked, "To draw out all his savings?"
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| Where do vampires keep their savings?
In blood banks.
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Vineet: "I want to learn how to play
the flute. Tell me your fees sir."
Musician: " Rs 100 for the first month and Rs 50 every month
after that."
Vineet: " Excellent sir! I will join the class from the second
month." |
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| Little Johnny was playing with his father's
wallet when he accidentally swallowed a coin. He went crying to him
mom, choking on the coin. They took him to a doctor, who said that
the coin was impossible to remove without surgery; they consulted
a specialist who was of the same opinion. Then came a man who said
he could get the money out in a jiffy. He turned little Johnny upside
down and patted him with great precision on the back of neck and,
sure enough, the coin rolled out. Everyone was amazed; the father
said, "You must be an expert!" The man replied, "No
sir I'm just a tax collector." |
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Teacher to Tinku: "What do you call
a person who collects coins?
Tinku: A beggar |
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Tinku: Mum, are the Guptas very poor people?
Mother: I don't think so, Tinku. Why do you ask?
Tinku: Because they made such a fuss when their baby swallowed a coin. |
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